The Infinite Evening
Things happened very quickly after those first words between us.
I remember you saying that you were on your way to the photo booth area, and I thought it would be fun to tag along, rather than respond with, “well, I’m on my way to the bar, so…”. Our first picture together was less than five minutes after we first met. I kept thinking of your name to make sure I’d remember it, as it would make a terrible impression to call you Cindy, Sandra, or some other name that isn’t yours.
Many of the specifics of that evening come to mind in pieces, because there was so much to absorb. It was the most extraordinary conversation, like an intense version of speed dating, only without the buzzer and the requirement to change to someone else. We talked about the usual things, our professions (I still remember being somewhat staggered when you told me your job title, as it sounded so professional and highly placed), what we’re into, and so on. What is more important is that we talked about things very close to us. Before that night, I hadn’t told more than six people about the suicide attempt less than four months earlier, and all of them had been close to me for years. After an hour or two, I was open with you about that and the recovery from it. I remember thinking, “HOLY SHIT YOU TOLD HER THAT YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE THAT SHE WILL THINK YOU ARE DAMAGED OR SOMETHING” after I told you, but your response and how you handled it was touching. You didn’t shy away from it or begin planning your exit, you weren’t patronizing, and you didn’t play around it. That honesty, that directness was something refreshing to me, and it helped me feel that I could trust you with just about anything. When you told me about some of your past and was honest with me about everything, it reinforced that feeling. Saying that up front is not easy I imagine, but it speaks well of your character to do so with someone you had only just met.
Of course, the entire night wasn’t all serious business. We continued our extraordinary evening at the bar, on the dance floor (despite my aversion to dancing at the time), and even with our friends. When we got separated, we looked for each other. We both asked Shane about each other at different times, looking for more information and an objective opinion. I asked him and Mike about you, both of whom spoke very highly of you; Mike specifically said you were a strong woman, going further to clarify that you didn’t need a man to help you, pick you up, or for anything. That’s exactly the kind of woman I wanted to be with.
By the end of the night, things were leaning toward a trip back to my place. When the idea first came up, I panicked because I hadn’t cleaned up my apartment before I took off for the wedding. I wanted you to come home with me, but I didn’t want you to feel that a night with you was all that I was after. I offered to drive you to my house or yours, whichever you would be more comfortable with. As we were both more than a little drunk, my attempts to try and persuade you to come home with me were less than subtle.
We got to my car and started the drive back to my house, after confirming one more time that you were still on board for it. That drive was…awesome, as was the night the followed!