The New Adventure
Remember that giddy, excited feeling when we first referred to each other as boyfriend & girlfriend? The slight giggle you had after calling me your boyfriend the first few times just made you that much more attractive to me. It was such a cute giggle, like the one you have now, as you are still you.
I kept telling myself, “you have a girlfriend” randomly. I did this out loud, sometimes, to a point where at least one person I walked past paused for a moment. I called to tell my mom about it, which was something hugely important – previously, I never mentioned any woman to mom who I didn’t think would be around for a while, regardless of relationship status. You went from unknown to her son’s girlfriend in three weeks, which mom was very happy about and wanted to know a bit more about who you were. I remember she asked me what you favorite colors are, which caught me off guard at the time – I remembered purple and forgot two others. Scrolling through weeks of texts did nothing to help me, so I resolved to find out what they were without asking, for fear that you would think I wasn’t listening or didn’t care about your interests (for the record, I have since remembered and been reminded that purple, pink, and…one other one is in there…dammit).
There was a race that Saturday to buy curtains and clean literally every surface of the house. I took pride in keeping a clean house for you to come over, partially because I wanted to show you I could take good care of myself, but I believed that I should put effort into preparations for your arrival because of how special you were to me (and still are). The chores went by quickly, and hanging the curtains was the fun part. I wanted to show you that I was listening when you talked about how bright and hot it was in my bedroom – the curtains were meant to be symbolic of that. Not to mention that it might lead to more cuddling Sundays.
Everything with you felt different. Where I didn’t used to be a very cuddly person on a regular basis, I couldn’t get enough of it with you. Public displays of affection used to embarrass me a little, but I was all for it with you. And the feeling that I needed to hold things back was wonderfully absent. If I wanted to share something about my past, about how I felt, I felt I could do so. I hadn’t experienced that freedom before, due almost entirely to the way I ran my life before. The velocity, the momentum of everything had carried us to a point where I felt completely, utterly, terrifyingly open to you, and I had no regret or second thought about it.