Beginnings and Endings
August 1 is a very special day to me. My grandma’s, Aloha’s, birthday is that day. In the years since her death, I have taken time to remember and try to be the best man I can be on that day. Or rather, that was something that began once I truly understood the meaning of it. August 1, 2015 was a very special day to me for another reason – it was the Rebirth day, when I would start reaching out to friends again after a long period of hiding myself away to work on my own issues. The recovery was long and painful, and I was looking forward to seeing everyone at Shane & Rosie’s long awaited wedding. The great fear of that day was Jess, who would be there herself, and around whom I was afraid I would be excessively nervous, as she was a reminder of all that happened before.
Naturally, I needed to dress to impress.
The silver suit had never been worn in public, save for birthday pictures in October 2014, but only Jess and strangers in a park had ever seen it outside. The wedding was a premiere for that suit and for the new man I felt I had become – someone who had risen above where I was only a few months earlier. I also had some hope that I would meet someone new, or at least have a good time that night, but I didn’t have any expectation of it actually happening. I wanted to go congratulate my friends on their new marriage, enjoy the company of friends, and go home smiling.
I finished getting dressed at the last minute and took a picture for the fb profile. I raced out to Dallas while trying to breathe as calmly as possible, nervous and excited about what the evening might hold. I arrived and made my way inside, greeting Shane warmly and I was shortly thereafter asked if I could read during the ceremony, as the original reader was ill. After coordinating with the woman officiating, I had my cue card and found my seat next to Mason (salmon pants!) and Z (tall black guy with dreds). By coincidence, I was sitting a few rows ahead of Jess, who herself was seated a few rows ahead of you. A picture taken during the ceremony is still a source of amazement for me – my past and my future in one picture.